Author Topic: end of season review - highlights I'll remember to my grave  (Read 6359 times)

Offline trophy4toon

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Centre Back 1
I actually got on fine with my 6 foot 2 inch brick sh*thouse CB1 until the match in which he split his boots. The following week he turned up but with no boots. We borrowed some from a spectator but midway through the second half he asked to come off as his feet were sore. By this time the right back had walked off after a row with Centre Back 2 so, ever the pragmatist, he had bigger boots so we took them off RB and gave them to CB1. CB1 then said he would go back on but only if he could play further forward. This was the start of a trend i.e. after 20 minutes or so of a game he would get bored and just wander off up front and leave CB2 alone to look after things at the back.
A few weeks later he did not turn up at all for a home match. I phoned him he said he was 5 minutes away in a car. The match kicked off, we had 3 subs but because of the substitution rules I couldn't put one on without having to drop CB1. 5 minutes into the game he still wasn't there and I had a number of spectators screaming at me plus a number of players and the subs along the lines of "why are you playing with 10 men when we have 3 subs sitting on the bench.
10 minutes into the match he turned up then disappeared into the toilet with 4 different pairs of borrowed boots for another 5 minutes. When he did come on he quickly got bored at the back and wandered off.
In the dressing room at half time I asked him where he thought he was playing to which he told me to f*ck off and walked out the dressing room.
That was the end of our relationship !!

The worst goalkeeper display ever
Our best centre back was actually our goalie but we didn't have another goalie. One week CB2 volunteered to swap, we trained him in goal all week then the match kicked off at home to the 2nd bottom club. After the first 10 minutes we were 5-0 down as our goalie missed everything. He finally gave up when the 5th bobbled slowly along the ground and he dived over the top of it as the ball nestled into the net. We lost the match 14-2.

Our red card happy ref
I didn't have any options, refs are like gold dust at this level and ours was very supportive and always turned out for our home matches. Problem was before every match he told the boys, any swearing and it's a straight red card. That was a bit like asking a dog not to bark with my team. Once my initial honeymoon period when I took over and had some semblance of control was over, the red cards started racking up. I think in every home game after Christmas he sent a player off for swearing within the first 15 minutes, one was sent off for swearing at his mate in the crowd. Another was sent off for trying to break up a fight between our RB and CB2 but swore as he did so i.e. "stop fighting you stupid f*ckers" and the inevitable straight red !!

substitution histrionics 
Our RB decided one game to start kicking the opposition. It was a home match with our red card happy ref, I got nervous. He was immediately booked for a bad foul. Then he committed an atrocious foul on the edge of our box and I thought he was off. Final warning says the ref. Phew, sub please, RB get off before you get sent off. RB then takes his top off, screws it up, trots off the field and throws it down at my feet, nice !!
Our striker who only scored 1 goal all season came over and said to me as I subbed him, "your just trying to make a point aren't you" in a rather angry manner. He then took his boots off and rubbed mud right down the white changing room walls in his frustration. I had to clean down all the walls after the game. To be fair he did apologise a few days later.
My first game in charge, when the manager simply did not turn up but asked me to look after the team on the day. We actually had 18 players turned up to play. I made 3 substitutions at half time but there were still 4 of them standing on the touchline. Slowly they worked out that only 3 subs were allowed and they were not any of them. The 4 of them came marching over en mass 10 minutes into the second half "are we not getting on then??" -- "no sorry I'm only allowed to make 3 subs and I've done them" --- "you f*cking pr*ck" -- and off they marched to the car park and sat menacingly in their cars until the match ended.

the table tennis match  
for 1 home match 4 of the team decided to play table tennis instead and didn't bother turning up or telling me

your dropped for not turning up last week
I tried to create a culture of "if you let me down then you'll be dropped and have to wait to get your place back". 3 regulars didn't turn up one week so I told them not to bother coming to the next game as I wouldn't play them. They informed me I couldn't stop them and they were coming anyway and would be getting changed for the match. They did too, and 3 players from the previous match let me down hence the 3 of them ended up getting a game and I looked a complete fool.

the smokers survey    
Out of 17 players in our team, 14 were smokers and only 3 did not smoke.

the disappearance of our best player
Our best player by a mile who played central midfield went missing for 4 weeks in March. He was our second top scorer. Our top scorer was his best mate and he didn't bother coming either whilst his mate was away. I never did find out why he went away but I'm sure the stories I was told about drugs and dealers and money and hiding were the subject of the over active  imaginations of my young players. Anyway, he still had all his body parts intact when he returned.   

the fighting in the team
My team appeared to be equally split into 2 gangs, one from each side of town, except for 3 lads who hung around together and kept themselves to themselves. They fought and argued amongst each other continually through the season. We got to the stage where the RB walked off the pitch one match after argueing with CB2. They then spent the next few nights continueing the fight on MSN and seemed to spend training that week arranging where they could brick each other. RB then announced he would not play again unless he could play at Centre Back instead of CB2.

Our supporters  
Never have I met such an unpleasant bunch as the group gang 2 used to bring to the match with them. Piles of beer cans. Rather strange smelling substances they seemed to be smoking. Had to be told in one home game to switch off the loud music whilst the match was on. Got one of their mates sent off in one home match after 5 minutes as they wound him up so much our player told them all to "f*ck off". Of course our ref was on that like a flash, "told you no swearing allowed on the pitch", straight red !!

The parents
I didn't have much problem with the parents actually because few of them ever turned up. Out of the 19 kids I had in the squad only 2 of them had their Dad turn up and they were brilliant.   

The other managers
I generally got on well with the other managers but then they all loved playing against us. Was amazingly surprised at the turnover of managers though. It was a 50% turnover in our league over the season and I'm led to believe that is not unusual and I'm also not at all surprised. Also loved the comment from one manager in one of our better performances where we played his team off the pitch for 80 minutes and led for most of the match only to let in 2 goals in the last 10 minutes to lose.
Their manager said afterwards "you are definately getting better, you might win a match by the end of the season". Just thought that was quite a put down after we'd played them off the park.
Also we had the woman manager, the Mum who took over when their manager resigned. Fortuneately we drew the match with here so my cv states that I have never lost at football management to a woman  ;D  ;D   

Put all of the above in context though, when you are getting hammered week after week and they are just young, spirited lads, it's a really tough job to keep going. We actually had some excellent little footballers in our team and there were 6 or 7 lads in that team who I greatly liked, were model players and I would recommend to anyone. I think it's just when the results spiral downwards and confidence goes, it's almost impossible to arrest the slide.   
« Last Edit: July 06, 2009, 01:10:00 am by trophy4toon »

Offline Legzy

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Re: end of season review - highlights I'll remember to my grave
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2009, 11:40:10 pm »
Cheers John. Enjoyed that trip down "happy" memory lane.